I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
