My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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