Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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