At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
