just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
