I look better un-naked...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
