you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
