he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
True strength comes from lack of pants
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize