dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
