So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
