so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
