I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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