Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You left your phone here
Wait...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
