I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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