It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
