Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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