Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I fill condoms, not promises.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
