You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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