Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
