I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
