I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
