dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
