Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
