there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
