Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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