this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
