she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
