Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
