I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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