he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
