my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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