he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
