My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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