I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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