remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
