so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
