How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
