you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
