You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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