tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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