Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
