Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
