well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
