I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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