Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
