ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
