Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
