you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
