at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize