i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
