Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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