I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
