Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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