ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
