Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
