Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
