I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize