tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
