The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize