I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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