Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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