Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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