There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
