the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
