Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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