wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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