my mouth tastes like poor choices
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
