I would go down on you faster than GM stock
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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