Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
